It's not really a secret... The Hanged Man seems to hate everything, usually this is just simple grumblings but sometimes listening to the reasons he hates these things is fun to.
These articles are all of The Hanged Man's rants which are written down every Monday (or at least every Monday possible don't flip out or anything if these are written on a Tuesday).
BUS STOP ZOMBIES!
19/12/2011
When the bus is full the dumb will walk the earth...
You know what I hate?
Bus stop zombies, sure anyone is immediately going to ask "what the hell is a bus stop zombie?"
You know when you are trying get the last bus and you can see it pull in up the road, if you don't catch this one it's 30 minutes wait at the bus stop in the pissing rain.
You have almost made it to the bus when a large group of 'shufflers' (as I call them) are moaning and groaning while shuffling along. BRAINS! No matter what you shout/do the result is always the same...
Me: Excuse me can I get past?
Zombie: BWAAAIZ!!!
Me: GET THE "*@"£ out my way!
Zombie: UUUUURGHHH...
Me: MOVE BEFORE I TEAR YOUR HEART OUT!!!
Zombie: DUUUUUUUUUUUHHH
Sadly these 'shufflers' don't travel alone usually in groups of 3, and no... not in single file like you hope for but in a line. Jesus Christ I just want to get past these 'people' but, they either never notice that you are trying to get past or notice too god damn late when you see your bus driving away and all you hear is the groans of the seemingly undead and me muttering to myself once again "I hate my life..."
Christmas family news letters
26/12/2011
You know what I hate? When people think you give a shit about them enough that they subscribe to their annual bullshit!
Ah it shows you have no life when you are writing articles that no one reads on boxing day... but to be honest I'm bored... it's 5 PM and I have no where to go SO let the hate continue!
I would like to start by wishing you all a Merry Christmas! If you don't celebrate Christmas then I hope you find comfort, peace, love and joy in a time important to me. (well... it isn't really but whatever...) If you are offended by that, weeell I guess I'm not the only one who wastes time efficiently huh?
Anywho you know what I hate? Family news letters... not your family (always) someone else's family, instead of a card you get a yearly bulletin telling you all the "accomplishments" that their oh so brilliant family have made over the past year.
Who are these people? Your friends? Relatives?
No they are usually people you meet on holiday in a hotel and to break the ice you gave them your address to "get together" despite the fact that you haven't spoken to them in something like 30 years they still send you their yearly bulletin!
They usually go like this:
"Dear Hanged Man
What a fantastic year it has been for the Snobs (yes that's what I'm calling them) little Billy got to be captain of the football team! (What that fat round spoiled little brat? Well I guess that proves the saying 'people get what's coming to them' as false...) Elizabeth got her own pony this year which is worth 4X more than your house and we don't even have to scoop up the shit! (That's wonderful...) This year we decided to cash out and spend a load of money on a yacht. We took it on holiday here is a picture of us on our boat!
*insert picture of boat that is worth more than your net worth here*
I myself got promoted for doing a fantastic job (Working at home for 6 hours a week really is productive isn't it?) and now earn more money to waste on my spoiled kids! (Yes lets teach them valuable lessons on life shall we?).
We wish you a Merry Christmas (yeah right...) and a H(cr)appy new year!
lots of love fro..."
That's where it stops for me... I'm glad you sent it today though I was out of toilet role give Billy my regards!
Oh and on an unrelated note: this will be my last "I hate Mondays" of 2011 look forward to 2012's updates folks! :)
Doomsday theories
02/01/2012
No matter how many times we prove them wrong crack pots always pull another one out of there ass...
I would like to start off on a positive note (second week in a row? I'm going soft!) Happy new year to the person who reads this crap! With 2012 comes the closing time of something I have long awaited to be over "The 2012 doomsday theory."
This theory sprung up something like 3 or so years ago (possibly longer ago) but people have been whining about it ever since. On the internet and in the apathetic minds of stupid people 2012 Approximately December time this very year is THE END OF THE WORLD!!!
Well let me break away to write this down on my calendar... 'Bullshit' has two Ls right? Ok now that I've taken care of that allow me to explain further. Normally with a subject as delicate as this I would break down what the theory is but... my problem is that, that is where I get stuck there is no single theory on why the world is ending 'it just is.' This as you can immediately tell makes it very hard to defend but very easy to make fun of.
I have heard many reasons for the worlds end on this particular year lets see what the swamp folk are blaming...
The ILLUMINATI: God if I ran a government anyone who utters a word about this 'secret organisation' would be crucified in the streets, any children they have had would be executed. I'm not harsh against children but it's for the good of the gene pool that stupid people who believe in this crap shouldn't reproduce...
But I'm getting ahead of myself who are the "Illuminati" they are an evil dark mysterious group who ware hoods and huddle together worshipping Satan (I couldn't make this shit up if I tried) and plotting to destroy the world! This secret organisation are so successful that students from Levinsume are the only people who know about their evil scheme, not even our government knows about it... I sure hope these 14 year old girls can save us from damnation.
Everyone is on their side, Rihanna, Jay Z and movie stars such as Will Smith all part of the Illuminati plot! It never occurred to them to go for an intelligent celebrity or TV personality such as Stephen Fry (in fact looking at the other 'facts' I have here he probably runs it).
Rihanna the "Illuminati princess whore" has a load of scrawls saying this in her video in the background! Good golly holly now that is evidence it's not like she could be taking the piss, this is hard core evidence that these hooded hoodlums exist and that the world will end in 12 months time!
What I fail to understand about the Illuminati 'plot' is where is the money being invested into them coming from? Do you think that the billions going into "controlling the brains of our news presenters to cover up the truth" comes from Rihanna's record sales? Look I don't care if you have ignored everything I have said for the past year or so... hear me now... and believe. This Illuminati and there huge following are NOT real... WAKE UP children!
You are all going to graduate college/high school actually no... wait I think it's safer to say that some of you will graduate college or high school and you will then go into the work force where you will work every day. You will not grow to be in a Half Life 2 kind of resistance against a big eye in a pyramid! Because it is all bullshit.
Ok I could rant about the Illuminati theory all day... so I'm going to move onto something else before I drive you as crazy as I am...
This is the "Official" Theory from the 2012 end of the world community forum FINALLY SOME ANSWERS!
Oh.. they only have "potential threats" so.. there is no threat? Really? that is disappointing... so... what is the point of this website again? Oh well for shit's and giggles lets take a look anyway!
The sun - The big burning thing up in the sky? What about it?
Volcanoes and earth quakes - Lucky me I live in the UK and don't feel them! ;)
Wild Weather - oh no hail storms we are all going to die!!!
Disease - ACHOO... what?
Planet X - Wasn't that a B movie from Japan?
ok... as you see I'm just making fun of all this since there is no 'theory' but lets look at the 'evidence.'
Nostradamus told of no events after 2012 some say he even saw the planet EXPLODE... Well OK I'm not as brilliant as Nostradamus... but let me just try and make sense of this.
He saw the world explode, keep in mind though that he died in the 1500's if he really could see the future what if he saw a nuclear bomb? If anyone who doesn't know what an atom was saw a nuke go off they would probably think the world was ending around them hell even if you did know what was going on you would think the whole world was ending! Cmon wake up children we are talking about a time where people thought that a solar eclipse was the end of the world! Well OK maybe they were a bit beyond that... but still can't anyone see my point? It could just as easily have been anything a terrorist attack even!
The other evidence piece is the Mayan calendar ending on that day, you do realise that calendars end some time... right? Maybe they ran out of wall, Maybe they thought 'screw it we'll work on it some more in 2012. It's amazing that these fortune tellers weren't smart enough to see the end of their own bloody race....
NO you know what? All you conspiracy theorists out there! I'm going to give you a chance I'm going to look at a piece of evidence you have wrote about the Mayan's calendar and give my honest views... "The Mayans used to smoke fumes in which they believed they could tell the future..." That's it... I'm done...
I only have 1 more the thing now to say in my defence
Y2K
Happy new year guys!
People who shut down "shared" computers
9/01/2012
9/01/2012
Thank you, your magesty for presenting your oh so glorious shut down screen!
Well another week of hating things, I think my blood preasure has gone down because I'm venting this out...
You know what I hate?
Assholes who shut down shared computers you know like in a library, at work, schools or anywhere else where computer facilities are available for a large group of people.
You know how long those stupid things take to boot up again? All I want to do is print a stupid fecking document! It takes so long to boot up that I might as well have written the thing out by hand! Yet again, it is all the fault of king pompass ass and his thoughtlessness. Here is an idea! Just a thought, a small thing on your part... But how about instead of giving me grief, you just log off? The log off button is right next to the god damn shut down button on XP, so there is no excuse! It's "harder" on 7 (or Vista) because of an oh so scary drop down menu, *OOOOOH* but if you are that computer illiterate that you cannot even log the thing off then why use it in the first place? My heart aches as I watch the shut down screen and this asshole walk away, I can't really help but say "I hate my life."
Telemarketers
16/01/2012
Well another week another rant I guess... This week was kinda stressful from the work I had to do, but I'm not complaining as I kinda enjoyed doing it.
Anyway back to hating things...
You know what I hate?
Those assholes that ring you up and try and sell you stuff, these people piss me off because they ring at the worst possible time.
For example a couple of months ago I was cooking a pasty in the oven when the bastard phone rang, I had to leave my food behind to burn to talk to a tit head on the other end who cannot speak English. Also this was my next point all my calls are from Asia (mainly India my guess). Look I'm not saying that it's bad BECAUSE they are Indian, I haven't a problem with that (before someone pulls the "racist" card on me...) it's just difficult to tell someone to "piss off" when you have to read it from a "English to Indian" book and it's just a small factor to the problem. If a white guy called me to bother me with this crap I would be equally pissed (especially if he couldn't speak English). I find it increasingly rude that they don't talk to you like you are a person, because I live with my dad I'm obviously the second person in the house hold with that surname so... when they ask "Is mister (surname) here?" Then I or my father will both be right if we answer yes. Of course I say "Yes... but I don't think it's the one you want." <Long awkward pause...> "Is mister (Surname) there please?"
The worst part is what they bother me for a number of "issues that need to be bought to my attention."
The Main on is "You have a malware on your computer" (To which I replied...)
Me: How could you know that?
Him: <LIE> I am an engineer at Microsoft...
Me: So... mister Microsoft... I have 3 (yes this is true) anti viruses on my computer... are you telling me that they are unable to detect a virus INTERNALLY but you can detect it EXTERNALLY?
Him: <Awkward silence>
Me:... have a good day sir
I have had a lot of fun with these calls as they happen weekly; here are a few samples...
Check your specs!
Him: Can I ask about your computer?
Me: What about my computer?
Him: I have reasons to believe that you have malware on it...
Me: But I have a Mac...
Let me just check the.... doohicky?
Him: Can I ask about your computer?
Me: What... that doohicky over there? Gee... gosh had that thing just over... erm... 10 years I'd say now...
Him: I have reasons to believe that you have malware on it...
Me: Aren't malware a kind of sweet?
Him:... er... <hangs up>
Er... what?
Him: Can I ask about your computer?
Me: Is this the RSPCA? Look I told you 'WHAT I DID TO THAT HAMSTER WAS PERFECTLY LEGAL!!!' <hung up>
Dirty... Dirty man
Him: Can I ask about your computer?
Me: Oh god is this about that file that Tokyoguy1337 sent me? I knew them pictures were nothing but trouble! <Hangs up>
The expression was priceless...
Him: Can I talk about your computer?
Me: What about my computer?
Him: I believe there is a virus on it?
Me: Yeah I know... but I can't get babes that look like that anywhere else...
Him: Excuse me?
Me: Well porn like that is really difficult to find...
Him: <hangs up>
My favourite one of mine...
Him: Is Mr. (surname there)
Me: He went to block busters... he said he would be back in 5 minutes...
Him: When was this?
Me: 5 years ago...
My dad even got involved...
Him: Can I ask about a computer?
My dad: What computer?
Him: YOUR COMPUTER!
My dad: I haven't got a computer...
Him: Does anyone else have a computer?
My Dad: lots of people have computers these days...
Him: ... <hangs up>
Deepest sympathy
Him: Can I talk to Mr (surname?)
My Dad: He died on Monday...
Him: Oh I'm so sorry... you have my sympathy... <hung up> (I was pissing myself laughing)
Well as you can tell... I hate telemarketers they are even getting past BT's filter now adays... which is a real pain in the ass... One of the reasons I am quite rude to them is mainly because they are illegally calling me... I signed up to a registry so I wouldn't receive these calls but those assholes use a phone book.
Oh well at least it's a laugh every few weeks... right?
Note: I will update the list if anything further happens...
People who sit in hallways/stairs/etc...
23/01/2012
Well this is officially 1 month of "I hate Mondays" I know, 6 articles in a month? I don't even know how that works...
Anyway since it is a month, I thought I would mention it. This week touches on a topic that doesn't affect many people, I would be ranting about SOPA and PIPA and the end of the world but... well I'm too weak to care. I felt really crappy last night and I barely got up this morning I hate myself for doing so... everything hurts.
Anywho I don't know how verbal my complaint will be as I haven't the strength to be grumpy like all the other weeks...
You know what I hate?
Stupid assholes who don't understand how furniture works, mostly it's younger folk like 16 - 25. They decide rather than sit on something designed for sitting on they choose to sit on the stairs or in the middle of a corridor.
Why does this bother me? Well 3 reasons...
1. These people are blocking up the building if everyone did it then no one would be able to move! I hate having to walk all the way around the building, just because some ignorant asshole decides to lay down in the middle of the stairway like a homeless person.
2. These people are in a building... A BUILING! There are chairs galore I once saw some asshole get up from his position on the floor and trip over a bloody chair!
3. I always end up standing on them, when I try to stride over them. Not that I'm complaining about hurting them, they are morons that need to be taught a lesson...
But what if I god damn trip? Or worse what if they draw blood and I get it all over my fecking shoes?! Those stupid inconsiderate assholes should get the hell out of my way.
I don't understand today's youth to be honest, but maybe that's a rant for another time.
Cyclists
30/01/2012
Well another week, another rant I guess...
I oddly enough got over last weeks illness by Wednesday thanks to my regeneration powers, or... maybe I'm a mutant or something who knows?
Anyway since I'm better I'm able to RAGE again and this week I know just the thing...
You know what I hate? Cyclists... my GOD I hate cyclists...
Now as a small disclaimer, (since I know people get picky on people hating cyclists) this is towards the cyclists who break the rules and most likely the law. Not you guys in your weird swimming costumes riding on the road trying not to get hit by trucks... you are just collateral damage.
What I hate about cyclists is that none of them know what a pavement is (or sidewalk to you Americans out there with your fancy alternative expressions and your fast food chains...) These guys are just annoying assholes who insist on riding a vehicle in a pedestrian area!
When I walk down the street and I'm on the pavement I should be safe, not worrying about any oncoming traffic coming my way. What annoys me even more is that these assholes (who are most likely breaking the law) are ignorant to anyone who they want to get out their way. They will charge at you in hope that you will step aside and if you fail to do so they will just run you over.
I'm pretty sure that these pricks just want to be the bullies of the pavement, because on the road they are weaker than I am as a pedestrian. The worst ones are the ones that stop you from getting to your bus stop, I once had to let a green light go because some asshole on a bicycle was riding on what he thought was the road! I also God damn hate how these ignorant gits ride into a crowd of people like at a bus stop and expect THEM to move. Look pall you can nudge me with that wheel all day... I ain't moving into the rain so you can cycle on. You think you scare me with your crappy bike? All I have to do is press my foot up against it and push really hard and into the bus lane you go my friend... let’s see if the bus will be any more patient.
Another thing that royally pisses me off is the cyclists who travel on the bus or the train! WHY? You are on a vehicle USE it! Don't clog up public transport with it! I'm surprised people even let these asshats on, I think if I was a bus driver I would tie the assholes bike to the back of the bus and drag it along the road! Cause it sure as hell isn't getting on my bus...
I'm sure the counter argument is "you expect them to cycle from A-B when it's X miles away? YES! Look... if I go on a plane do you think they would let me put a car on there? Sure it might fit into the luggage compartment and if no one else brings their luggage or even themselves... (Hey this is a pretty good analogy of how these assholes think...) then it would fit! But no sane pilot would allow it; few insane pilots would allow it!
Finally I have to have a go at the ones in the country side... you know those ones who "SHRED UP (yeah I'm in with the kids that way...)" the ground and turn it to shit so that hill walkers find it impossible to even shuffle. What I would love nothing more is to sit there with a bit of cheese wire watching the heads role and looting the bodies BWAHAHAHHA. When you are in the country it's the one thing you cannot get away from, twats riding their bikes. Look ok I get it, you want to go fast and have a challenge. But why does MY fun have to get ruined? Look I know a place where you can act like dicks all day and go as fast as you want... THE MOTORWAY! Think about it, you can go as fast as you like and there is plenty of challenge in it for you right?
What I would just love for these kinds of people is a huge boxing glove on a spring where I can punch these fools into the road! FEAR ME OH IGNORANT CYCLISTS bwahahahahah.
Ok... perhaps I let this get away from me... I think cyclists are my "pet peeve" I've had many lovely dreams of bulldozers with hundreds of dead cyclists and their bikes in them being tipped into a land fill... *sighs*
Oh and dogs I hate those to... bastards.
Facebook06/02/2012
Well today is a special day for us here in Britland (apparently) you Americans are missing out on the fun! We are having parties and parades and... Cake! Today is the day of the Diamond Jubilee 60 years on the throne for Queen Elizabeth (II).
Ok this is kind of out of character for me... usually I mock these senseless holidays. But I want to say congratulations to Queen Elizabeth (II) first because I'm a good sport. As for the whole celebration thing... MY GOD! Out of proportion much?
Anyway I'll leave the good Queen alone, for now...
Let us start the weekly rant!
You know what I hate? Facebook, it's the worst invention of all time it's a fantastic tool that allows people to spread information and make WebPages that people can follow... with a major flaw.
It attracts the internet's many moron hordes to one place, this horde is hard as shit to out maneuver...
The minute you get a Facebook account you are FECKED with a capital P! ... no wait... never mind the point is though 5 minutes after typing your name in before you added your first friend, work colleague or done whatever you signed up for you will get more invites than you have seen in your life!
This... is the start of a LONG headache (well for me anyway) you see children I was in late high school when I got Facebook and set my account up during the 6 week holidays. Even so, with no friends and a lack of interest in anything popular (CoD that P(o)op music that you young folks listen to...) How I got 5 invites when I set up my account at 23:00 by the time of 23:45 I will never know, imagine if you were top dog, captain of the football team or top slu... I mean "cheerleader" (shit I'm going American).
Now you have probably read that and thought "So? This is a good thing!" Well... it would be but these people are MORONS with a capital... er... forget that I never get it right besides it's a bad phrase... my point though... All the people who add me are all the same they do not work all week, they go out on Friday and get drunk, complain about hangovers, wash, rinse... repeat...
My god it's almost as if people think I give a shit about their lives! What kind of idiot writes every week expecting people to read and give a shi... well that was awkward. Ok yes you could say I'm not better but at least I spend a week thinking about what to write and such, I stick to a theme and I usually check through it. (You have no idea what gets binned every week, reading some of it, I don't know what I was thinking...) But these folk are WORSE they tell you about EVER aspect of their life... listen love I don't care that you are having a shower, I don't care that you are watching Mean Girls, I don't care that you are "goinz out on the townz with your gurlzzzzzz xxx" with lots of pictures of you dressed in barely any clothes when it's snowing outside! You are not interesting, you are not clever or unique and by CHRIST you are NOT attractive... you know what you look like in those clothes? A hippo trying to fit into a garden hose! That's what you look like!
There are more things that feck me off to... like "auto-tagging" I don't know if the fad died down now or whether I just punished all the people who did it to such an extent that they just left me alone...
Here is how auto-tagging works, you see children Facebook has a feature where if you have a photo of a friend you can "tag" his/her name on it... Your friend will be noted of this and will be able to see the picture via email or via notification. It will also appear on his profile as a picture of him. Some genius thought... "Hmm what if I made a program that got some random picture off of Google and auto tagged it..." and so... the earth stood still... not a sound echoed... not a child cried... there were no screams... originality... died.
My inbox gets FLOODED! It starts off innocently enough with "Billy Snob has tagged you in a photo" ok... I think clicking it to see me and 20 others have been tagged in a picture that looks something like...
How funny is that? Huh? Even if you DO find it funny you will love the next bit...
Notice where I'm tagged? The bot that did this obviously put more people in than needed... I'm "Thin air".
The worst part is what follows... the comments
"
17:15 Barry shitpeas: LOL
6 morons like this
17:15 Steve: LOL
2 monkeys like this
17:15 Steve: LOL
No one likes this
17:16 Steve: LOL double post
7 dilholes like this
17:17 Joe: LMFAO Nice one!
2 apes like this...
17:18 Frank Horrigan: The Enclave rule supreme!
5 Enclave officers like this
"
Ok... so by now my inbox is flooded bare in mind that a lot of accounts are linked to this some of them are important and Facebook isn't one of them! This email address has now been... violated so I delete them all, no big deal and now everyone has seen it... now we can all go back to... oh shit... 10 more
17:20 Steve: Joe! Not seen you in ages mateeeeeeeeeeee How have you beenz (not bothering with question mark...)
17:21 Joe: Steve not bad how are youuuuuuuuuuuuuu
17:21 Steve: Not bad
17:21 Steve: I didn't got no job I'm too smart for thaatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt...
This conversation is updated EVERY 5 MINUTES and it goes DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWN hill from there... Damn it now I'm typing with lots of unnecessary letters! TITS!
I get email... after email... after email... until I cry because the conversation goes on for DAYS... seriously GO TO A PM for Christ sake!
There are more things but I'd rather not carry on ranting and raving about ALL of them... I would be here longer than Steve and Joe... but let’s name a few.
Game requests: I have a PS3 with games like Dragon age, PS2 with games like Soul Calibur and destroy all humans, PSP with games like Tekken Dark Resurrection and a PC capable of running Left 4 Dead 2, Fallout 3, TES IV Oblivion (all of these I mod to hell!) Why would I want to play Farmville!?
Group requests: When people send me group requests to things I don't give a shit about I do this...
1. Group request stuff back such as Furries, Naruto and... God knows what else... anything I don't like or care about really.
2. Block them
That awkward moment when...: Someone over uses a phrase that wasn't funny in the first place...
Well I'm beginning to bore myself never mind what you feel... oh you stopped reading? Shit... Well thanks for ... reading the title at least.
More on the way next week!
People who haven't heard of headphones or volume control
20/02/2012
OK I'm sorry, I didn't write an I hate Mondays last week so I'll write 2 in 1 this week, how is that?
I can't say I was doing anything important last week, I just had work to do and someone had to keep Jam and Frost away from each other's throats. I didn't have a Valentine’s Day date UUUUURGH I hate Valentine’s Day...
The funny thing is Karma has hit me like a ton of bricks as all the work I did that day hasn't arrived today. The sad part is there is literally NOTHING I can do about it anymore; I could just cram it in now I suppose but if I were to do that then it would look like crap.
So... after a lot of thought I thought I'd get to ranting again! You know what I hate?
So here is the situation, it's late and you are travelling home on a bus and some tosser next to you sits down with his mobile phone in his hand. He then may proceed to do one of two things...
1. Play God awful music through a speaker (usually (C)rap) until you want to throw yourself off the bus.
2. Play God awful music through his headphones (usually (c)rap) at the maximum volume.
It doesn't matter to me which of the two these people are they should be punished with crucifixction, or a burning at the stake! There is nothing more annoying after a long day that hearing these tossers and their stupid tinny phone music.
Don't these idiots think "URGH NRGHHH RUG RUG GRARGH? ( Rough translated as: HHMM my music taste is shit... perhaps the person next to me does not wish to hear it?)" Seriously is that the age we live in where everyone is an outright prick with their music? I remember not too long ago some kid on a bus (who reminded me of Rick from the Young Ones) blurting out his music through his phone on max volume. The sad part about all this is that this was pop music... for teenage girls! The other tracks got weirder one of them sounded like some weird porn film which involved a mixing desk.
It's becoming a bigger problem since bus drivers often ask them to cut it out which usually works unless they're feeling lucky, but this is a rare case most of them just get away with it! This is one step closer to my firm belief that all bus drivers should carry shotguns and shoot these people, bus stop zombies and Cyclists (especially the cyclists).
Well I guess that's all from... wait no it isn't I have to write another!
Weeeeeeell shit... er... er... damn need to think...
The console war
You know what I hate? Other than Cyclists, today's youth and homicidal Chinese hotel owners...
I hate (Or hated since it's died down a lot now) the stupid console war.
PS3, Xbox 360 and The Wii were all in competition with "Which is best?" in mind and every one defended their console with the stupidest of arguments If I was to ask an Xbox 360 gamer: "The Xbox 360 has better graphics than the PS3 because the PS3 is for fagz LOLZ also you have to pay to go online so it's better, you don't need blue ray because it's gay..."
This rambling goes on forever constantly saying that "Xbox is the best" but I see no evidence of this. The PS3 argument is usually the same and the wii argument is "All PS3 and 360 gamers care about is graphics" which is simply not true. I never bought the Wii for 1 reason and that reason was simply that I haven't seen any experience like Fallout 3 or New Vegas for the wii or the amazing Portal games.
I don't care about CoD and I hate online play on most games yet I prefer the PS3/360 for their games. I settled with the PS3 because it had games like Metal Gear which I had grown up with since childhood (although most of these have been stolen by Xbox in the spoils of the console war).
Now people may say my opinion is biased because I own a PS3 and don't own the other two consoles, this may be true if I was defending the PS3 but I'm not doing that or saying that it is the best. I hate the PS3; my argument is "All the consoles are crap." The PS3 with its constant crashing in bigger games and immature online community, the Xbox with it's even worse online community and threats of red rings (PS3 has that yellow light which I hear is just as bad) and the Wii which has few games that would interest those who never had Nintendo influence their lives I prefer the vast open world of Fallout, the dark humour of Portal and the fast paced action of The Darkness and none of this is available on the Wii.
What I hate is the constant bickering about it 5 years on you would think that people would just give up and say "I like this so that's just fine" but nooo still complaining "Ha Xbox has Left 4 Dead 2!" You do realise I could get it for my PC with community content and free DLC right? It is better than the console version. "We got Mass Effect" Well I didn't really care too much about Mass Effect and I wasn't devastated that it was only on 360 besides I got mass Effect 2. "The PS3 has the blue ray player" is that your best? Really? I mean I've owned a PS3 for 2-3 years and only own 1 blue ray DVD because I see little point in them.
To me console gaming wasn't much of a thing when I was a kid but now the years have gone by and it's more popular but face it most people only buy consoles for CoD or FIFA when it comes to better games it's the usual "Fallout 3 is too big I can't find my way out of the vault!" or "Portal 2 looks so pointless I'll just go back to playing MW3... no wait this is MW2... what was the difference again?"
Well I can finally say that's it from me for a week not the lengthiest 2 articles but what can you do?
Airports
27/02/2012
This week I thought I would aim at something that everyone hates as oppose to what I've hated for the past couple of weeks which are more opinion based...
This week I'm hating airports!
You know what I hate? Oh... shit wait I've already answered that question... anywho I hate airports!
I don't mind flying to places since I don't mind flying on planes, I just hate the 3 hour wait to get on the damn thing. The first thing I hate is the security, my God is it bad, the minute you walk in you are greeted by a sign that said... "None of the following are allowed in the airport... Guns, bombs, WMDs, liquids, sharp objects, Justin Beiber CDs and of course the deadly makeup removal cream!
As soon as I walk in I see this sign and it makes me laugh so hard "No guns or bombs allowed in the airport"? No shit! What makes me laugh even further is that they're really is a sign telling you not to bring guns to the airport! As is Osama Bin Laden himself is going to turn up to the airport and say "Oh bugger me... I'm not allowed to bring my semtex or Dragonuv sniper rifle into the building *TUT* I'm just going to have to abort the mission!
The damn security can be assholes when stopping you, they just stare and refuse to speak to you while they search through your bag (which took bloody hours to pack right by the way... oh never mind that's alright just throw it everywhere!) The most annoying thing is if they pull you over they are obligated to fully search you, even if it's immediatley proven that nothing is wrong with your bag. For example: Once I got pulled over for having a bunch of wires and gizmos in my bag for my PSP and my phone and camera and whatnot they bloody pulled me over and made me take all the wires out (the funny thing is if I made any sudden movements they would panic and snap my hand away) they then proceeded to spray it with something, I don't even know what, then swabbed it!
Jesus Christ! It's a Playstation not a fucking grenade! Obviously they didn't find anything and just told me to shove all my shit in my bag and get my ass on the plane. You know, this whole thing is to beat the terrorists but when it gets to the stage where I have to take off my shoes, belt, unpack my bag and show my shlong to a complete stranger, I think the terrorists have won...
Till next time!
Special days
05/03/2012
My calendar looks pretty empty... so why ae all these days around?
Hello again kiddies, back for more are you? Has my wit and charm won you over? No... I doubt it...
well another week another rant... as I often say.Anywho down to business...
You know what I hate?
All these days! World aids day, world self harm awareness day, world suicide awareness day and lets not forget World Womble attack awareness day... I mean really think we have enough? There is one of these set for every day!
Do I have to mark all these on my calendar? Jesus H Christ there has to be a day for EVERYTHING, I mean look I'm all for the support of rape victims or soldiers wives or whatnot but do we need a day for each of them? These days are so common that they don't mean anything, I don't even remember these days ever becoming "days" I mean it's not like Christmas which has always been around or any relitavley recent ones like rememberance sunday.
The whole thing just feels like something to spam your friends Facebook with, I mean these are serious issues and people use them to troll or be a drama queen over. Actually look at what the day is about and raise some money for it! Raise awareness on the issue not the day! Why do these things need a day? A complete waste of time in my view and I feel more effort can be done into raising awareness to these things than making up stupid days which most people don't know or care about.
I'm not trashing what these days stand for, but I am trashing the days themselves they aren't a horrible idea but people care more about promoting the day than the damn issue at the centre of it because no one knows about the day or cares about it, but people know about the issue behind the day and care about that!
What we need is an awareness day... just 1 a year to set and example, but you know what's better than that? Do something yourself! Make a stand against this issue and show you care, writing about it on a Facebook wall helps nothing be the one who makes the difference not just a sheep.
Well that was... preechy... guess my sage in my head blew his top again, he isn't a wise sage but he's a sage non the less I think he cheated on his sage test.
Alls well that ends well, by ya'll
The Sims 3
12/03/2012
To start off on a positive note...
When I get up on a Monday morning I usually check out some awesome shit on Fanfiction.net, I've only been doing it for a bit (reading fanfictions I mean) and am considering maybe writing my own!
One story, however, has kept me interested throughout a Fallout 3 fanfic called "Saving Me" about Bryan Wilks from the quest "THOSE!!!." I recommend giving it a read here.
On a not so positive week I made a £30 investment which I regretted when I walked out the shop, I bought The Sims 3 for the pc.... and I want my God damn money back. However, since this is not a possibility, I will have to just find a use for the game case. I have lost many a coffee cup coaster over the last 6 months I suppose, but I could have just bought a coaster that didn't cost me £30!
OK so what do I hate about Sims 3? Well for the record I DO NOT hate the Sims franchise and I have stuck with it since the original game. I got Sims 1 on console at the age of 8 and bought it on PC when I was 10 or something. When I got a better PC and could finally run it I got Sims 2, (yes my first PC was THAT bad!)
OK so let me delve you into a bit of back story, for those of you who don't know what The Sims is or some of you who want to know my experience with the game. The bit marked "*" is fairly optional and can be skipped but my later point’s maybe better understood if you read it...
*OK so I started off with The Sims on console so I'll start my little background thing on console games then move onto their PC counterparts, considering I had never played a Sims game before I didn't know what to expect. The Sims on console was more confined sure but it did do some well needed improvements such as a better walk cycle and better animations in general. The original on console was a good effort that paid off for its time, but it had one major flaw in that it had a "Story mode" which was just uninteresting, difficult and not needed. I felt that this game could have been 50X bigger if it was JUST free play like on the PC version. I loved making my own family sure, but making a neighbourhood was so much better having family feuds and what not which couldn't be achieved in story mode.
This game was then massively improved in the game "The Sims: busting out" which had a hell of a lot more content. The game had hundreds of objects that were never seen on the PC version and some that can only be bought with expansion packs. I felt that the story mode was majorly improved over the original, sure it was the exact same story which was it's downside, but I found the ability to have vehicles and go from house to house a lot more interesting than simply stuck in a house until you do a bunch of goals.
The original story had 7-8 houses and each one had 7-8 goals like "get a job" or "move out" or "eat a grilled cheese sandwich," all of these things weren't too bad at first but they got to be a pain in the ass later. Some quests involve things that can only be done with a full motives bar on most of your motives, motives are what your Sims needs like sleep, food, bladder... etc... my main problem was that the people you had living in your house with you were just annoying and obnoxious one of them out right refuses to answer the phone, another won't get a job cause he's a lazy asshole and your mother refuses to cook for you! All this stuff adds to the games difficulty but did the developers think "gee how is this guy supposed to answer the phone when he is out at work?"
Bustin out had a major improvement over this with an easier to achieve story mode which gave you the freedom to go from house to house (thank god). The houses were interesting to, like science labs and creepy castles! However, once again freeplay mode took a massive hit with 3 houses for custom characters to live in. This in turn created another major problem, you see kiddies in the story "free street" characters are needed to advance in the story or otherwise you can't get married and advance the story. Because of the story and freeplay interaction I encountered a MAJOR problem, when I was in my house minding my own I see some asshole on my drive... now I think who the feck is this? Then I realise it's my Story mode character... as a visitor? Then the shit hits the fan because the ass hole just walks into my house and gets something out of my fridge, walks around clogging up my toiler, watches my TV, sleeps in my bed, has sex with my wife and leaves the lights on! I don't know if it's a glitch or whether or not this is meant to happen but I couldn't tell him to leave it just wasn't an option.
Other than that problem it was mainly ok they eventually decided to cash in on Sims 2 by making an urban hip hop rap culture game. This was so bad that later games took the piss out of; to be honest I found it to be ok if bought at a budget price and taken with a pinch of salt. It was all story oriented and the environments were somewhat interesting and they made an effort on the animations and custom content you could add (plus I liked having a pet monkey).
A year after the PC version of Sims 2 came out they made a console port, I wasn't aware at the time but Sims 2 on the PC was a revolution in how we played with aging, memories, lifestyle and it even had super natural Sims! A console version would rock! I thought at the time, but once again in my youth I didn't think about what I want and what the developers want. The PS2 port was nothing like the PC game it was awkward and restrictive, it didn't have a story that had learned any lessons from bustin out or urbz and was just dull, boring and the quests were pointless! There were no children in the game at all, no one grew old and no one could die and it got boring very fast. I will say that you got a supernatural being though... which was useless as shit. You could play as a ghost who could scare people and that was it... bollocks...
It went downhill from there with Pets and Castaway both of which failed in what they wanted to achieve Pets looked promising with it's free play game and NO STORY! This was, however, another one of those "too good to be true" things... The pets were annoying, there was few to no objects and it was just boring as hell to play I traded it in once and out of insanity bought it again. Castaway was another disappointment I was majorly cynical towards this as this was just after I had to give the Orange Box back as I needed a Steam account to run it and I didn't have the internet at the time... I was devastated and got this shit load of fuck instead!
My main problem with Castaway was the whole aim of destroying everything you've built... no that's not your aim that's the director's (in game ai's) aim! If you build a house on the sand you get it knocked down! (Guess I should have read my bible a little more closely...) But build it on the rocks? Down it goes in a monsoon or attacked by pigs! I found a nice place though a cave! Cave men (and women) knew what they were doing as caves are indestructible! My only concern was how there were chimps running around my cave (chimps were useless and annoying). My main problem, however, was the fact that this game was impossible without cheats! I used cheats in all the games for the convenience mainly maxing my motives and giving more money, most people do because it's a lot more fun to play this way and speeds the process up. On Castaway this is an essential way of playing, let me explain: So there are 3 islands... island 1 is where you end up and island 2 has your friends on it so... you need to get to island 2. To get to island 2 you need a boat... so... you got lots of trees around so you make one. After along tireless effort of making your boat you are ready to head out... shit no wait you are knackered from building the boat oh well get a good night’s rest before sailing out...
(13 hours later...)
'Ah morning all! Time to go sailing with an almost full energy meter! Oh... I'm still too knackered? I'll just go back to bed... oh I'm too wide awake for that? Oh bollocks... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!' This made advancing from island to island IMPOSSIBLE! I got to the point where I shelved it for 3-4 months and went back to my PS2 library.
I know I could have gotten into more detail on this but... well I'm not reviewing them I'm giving a brief...ish view into how I feel about these games before ranting about Sims 3!
I want to finish this pointless bit of the rant (that most people skipped and missed the fact that I wrote the username and password to this BlogSpot account RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TEXT!!!). By saying which of them my favourite... was and it wasn't any of the above, for me it was actually the PSP port. The PSP port KNEW that the PSP system would be slow as fuck or look horrible on the PSP so they decided to make a new style of Sims game which was more like an RPG. It was ALL story based and used quests to advance the game. What I loved was how the quests felt like actual quests not just "get a job" or "shag someone at a party" but stuff like "Find out where the missing garbage man is" hey don't nod off! This is more interesting than it sounds! Shit lost you... anyway all jokes aside this was the best console port I've played it was interesting with its gadgets like a tazer and a sonic screwdriver memory wiper thing, it had me hooked and it was sadly the only good RPG like experience.
*OK we are now... BACK ON TRACK!
If you skipped that bit then... I hate you....
If you read it then I hate you...
OK so when I got Sims 3 on PC I was expecting it to be better than the console port that I got this time last year which was a massive crock of shite on toast. It felt lazy at the time, and it HAD to be weaker than the PC version I repeatedly thought to myself "God this IS worse than the Sims 2 on the PC!"
I was wrong though as this was almost identical to the PC version... every problem I had I encounter on the PS3 I had on PC...
The Sims 3 has several major problems my main one, however, is that the game doesn't even need to exist! Sims 2 wasn't exactly old hat yet, I felt that Sims 2 could have had another 4-5 years out of it. Sims 3 could have been revolutionary but.. It wasn't, first of all it had most of the same content as Sims 2 and anything they added was unnecessary for the most part. Second the walking animations looks complete crap and all of the Sims have these weird baby faces making them all look the same with less customisation options on the face. I also couldn't help but feel that they made the game overly complicated on PC you can access more than one house at a time but it's a pain in the ass! Using cheats to select NPCs just doesn't work since the "Boolprop Testingcheatsenabled true" command was removed and was swapped for a washed down version.
My main problem though is EA's attitude to the fans of the franchise and it's painstakingly obvious what their message is... "You bought our products so we in hope of getting more money from you are going to sell you the same product with less in it in a hope that you buy more shit from us." That might as well be your slogan EA... Really write that down. There are about 4 unique items of clothing for each character in Sims 3 if that the rest are recoloures with annoying pattern systems in place. If you want new outfits you have to buy them with Sims points... which must rack up a fortune! Now Sims 2's life span came from it's modded content with it's endless library of good clothes, objects and other awesome shizzle.
This game has destroyed all that by making adding modded content a bitch to install and making it almost impossible to make your own custom content unlike what you could do with Sims 2! Sims 2 actually had a pack which let you edit items and you could make mods with MS paint or Photoshop or whatever you have. This game instead of letting players do this makes them work with DDS textures... now I know for a fact that DDS textures are a wee bit advanced for the average young Modder. Most of these are girls 14-17 who are using the same texture system as Fallout: New Vegas? Seriously DDS is used in Fallout new Vegas and the texture mapping layout is a lot more difficult to edit!
I'll end my rant by SIMply (seewatididtheir?) Saying this... Sims 3 is pointless if you have Sims 2 and if you don't I recommend saving yourself time, effort and money by getting Sims 2 instead!
Goodbye my fine headed fans! Or people who hate me... whatever...
The Olympics
19/03/2012
Good morning world! and what a wonderful morning it is!
Nah... horse shittin yah hehehehe
Anywho lets get back on track to some serious complaining!
You know what I hate?
The Olympics... why?
Because our country takes it uppon themselves to pay millions and millions of pounds of tax payer's money that could go into hospitals, schools, curing disease or helping the sick. Into a huge ass stadium for an event that only lasts two weeks!
You might have noticed that I used "huge ass" as a term, well you see children I discovered that saying "ass" before or after something has a major effect on how impressive it sounds...
For example simply saying "That's a big wardrobe..." sounds boring but add "That's a BIG ASS wardrobe" and it sounds fecking HUGE! Or... is that just me? Anywho my point is: this stupid stadium is paid for by tax payers but is FOR rich people to enjoy. The only way a tax payer could attend any important event is if they sold a few organs, wrote their novel and got a loan from the mafia. If they were to do all this they may be lucky enough to afford to see the women's handball game between 2 countries in the Netherlands... if they are lucky that is...
Notice how many contests there are? "Win a trip to the Olympics with Nuka Cola!" "Win a trip to the Olympics with Nike" "Win a trip to the Olympics with The Corrupt Regu..." wait... no sorry that last one doesn't exist... yet... However, you could get a chance to go to the olympics just email thecorruptregulators@hotmail.co.uk with your answer to the following question...
Who is the most handsome Corrupt Regulator?
A. The Hanged Man
B. Frostsabre
3. Krambo
You will win a ticket to the Iranian skiing contest if you win, with a 1 star hotel paid for AND 1 of those days food will be paid for to! (If you meal is under £2)
Ok... incase you are paying attention that contest was a joke... but that is what you are winning! The Olympic games are... well... boring to say the least. So I don't even want to go, but I also know that if I wanted to see an event I would have to pay £10,000 to see some crappy event for a stupid sport between 2 countries which I've never heard of!
We should have our own Olympics... The Corrupt I mean... now THERE is an idea! One where anyone can attend! YES! My god... it will be beautifal...
Anyway I have more problems with just tax payers money... for example did you know there is a housing shortage? Apparently hundereds if not thousands of schools had to be knocked down in 2004-5 to make room for houses. Now did you know that a whole street was demolished to make room for the stadium? Oh and get this... when the Olympics is done with? They were just going to knock it down! FECKING HELL!
OK yes it DOES bring in tourism... and temporary employment but it costs more money than it rakes in! It takes 5 years worth of billions for their "legacy" Jesus I always laugh at that "legacy" what does that even mean? They are going to leave something behind? Is it the rubble? The litter produced by fans? Who know or even cares...
That's my sour face and chops done with the Olympics...
tata kids!
Feature Change
01/04/2012
Hello again my friends and what a wonderful day it is outside, we have glorious weather and birds singing and whatnot...
I know I was supposed to do these articles on Monday and that I'm supposed to HATE everything but... I'm changing that. From this day onward "I hate Mondays" will become "I love Sundays" where I talk about what I love for that week...
Let's talk about something that I really love on the lords day...
You know what I love? Phones!
I love phones... like iPhones, Androids and smart phones to! I just love them all, with their apps, games, books and music they make public transport a joy!
Oh no I don't own one, but I do sit next to people who own one nearly every day and they do such great stuff on them! Like talk really loudly on the phone, because we REALLY care what is going on in their lives they are such interesting people! They play music like Rap and Hip Hop quite loudly (even with headphones on) which I also love, because I didn't want any peace and quite anyway I want to listen to someone rapping about "call girls." I love that E-book app as well they sure make books look like outdated pieces of crap don't they? I mean they can have unlimited pages! Wait no a book can do that to... Well they can contain more stories than... wait though you can only get through 1 a bus or train journey anyway... Ah there I go nitpicking again haha.
I just love these little inventions they make my life so much better! Sitting next to people who don't realise you exist, watching dates turn sour because someone is permanently on their phone... MUCH better than how it used to be don't you think?
Well I guess that's it for my blessing of the week, one more thing though...
APRIL FOOLS!
Ya Jackass...
News stories
16/04/2012
OK, OK I know I have been gone for something like a week and not announced it... but I've been er... busy and stuff with life.
OK I took a break! Damn I hate admiting that but I had to before I got bored and started writing Chuck Norris jokes and using ragethread comics to illustrate my points!
Anyway I'm back and I have something new to hate!
You know what I discovered I hated this morning? The news... now I'm not one of those morons who says "VE NEWZ IZ BOOOOOOOORIN" while reading through their Facebook feed, but even I draw the line. I love the idea of the news, getting to know what important events are happening around the world, but MY GOD is it stupid.
I don't know if you watched UK news this morning but the biggest story I can find is that a Horse... DIED.
SO
FUCKING
WHAT!
It's a horse! Horses die every 10 minutes and there are about a billion more out their to replace them! They aren't intelligent or even friendly creatures and many of them have been purposley ridden towards bullets! A horse falls over and breaks a leg every day should I hear about that as well?
What's next a story about how a poor Pegeon got ran over by a bus? I wouldn't mind but I hate horses they are evil hatefilled creatures that just go around bullying people... hey they're like me!
Would you cry if I fell and broke my leg? No because everyone hates me... so why give a damn about these things that don't even have the common courtesy to update their online journals...
Has the world gone completely mad? Will we weep for rats that get caught in traps next?
I wouldn't mind if it was a mild tragedy like the other year where a bunch of horses got fried on the electrified pipe underneath the grand national starting point, like me in Metal Gear when I skip through the Codec calls.
It's stories like this that make me hate society simply for the mass stupidity of idiots who are willing to cry to anything they can share via Twatter...
Well I'm out of here... bye ladies...
and gents :)
Romcoms
23/04/2012
Hi I'm back for another week with another ranting session; there is a lot less pressure on me up there in the real world, so these might not be as good... KIDDING they will be shit as ever! ;)
OK so you know what I hate? Romcoms URGH! It hurt to type it, in fact it hurts to think about it, but I must...
Romantic comedy is a genre of film where you can make a new one in about 6 months and as long as you have an overpaid actress/actor then you are pretty much in there. Few if any are memorable and those that are, they are memorable for all the wrong reasons.
Take one that I was forced to watch... I swear to God I need therapy for this... because I hate it so fucking much! Now when I say that I was forced to watch I figured watching a movie is presumably better than doing schoolwork... and it would be true if it was a Romero or Tarrentino movie. But fuck me, if they suggest a Romcom grab your balls and run for the hills!
God lord... now I've put off telling you the title to this brain cell genocide... (Forgive me Sheogorath!) Angus...Thongs...And Perfect... DO I HAVE TO FINNISH IT?
I figured hell I can sleep through it... but NO it's impossible, it's so distracting all that screaming and shouting and PMSing URGH!
So what is my problem with this? Well I have many...
1. The main character (and by extension the others are unlikable): Ok this is a major problem since if you wish death on a character, any happy ending will just be a kick to the balls. The main character in this is a complete bitch! She is a scheming, maniacal, treacherous, and whiny, BITCH! My main example is simply the plot, she is a girl who isn't happy with everything she has and so after bitching to her parents about having a costume for the costume party she then realises that it isn't a costume party and then goes bridezilla and destroys the costume (nice... shows how grateful she is to her parents). She then says she is going to "grow up" now before you jump out of your seat and cheer in celebration, this doesn't mean she is going to give up being a bitch... in fact it means she is going to be a bigger bitch.
She then as "grown up" proceeds to get a man by fucking over anyone who turns their back on her for 2 seconds... it's just awful to watch! She tries exiling her dad to Australia, using her lover's best friend to get at him, stabbing her friend in the back and eventually causing a holocaust of RPG gamers!
All for the sake of a stupid Disco on her birthday that she wants, and I don't see any redeeming features for this character she is just a spoiled bitch! It's like that play about that bike shop worker who goes around sleeping with other people's wives (I'm unable to remember the name) that guy was a complete bastard, but at least he A. gets what is coming to him and B. is designed to be a bastard so you know what to feel. Here you are told "here is the hero, you should like her!" Well sorry movie but I think she is a fat bitch!
2. No justice... At the end the only thing that could have saved that shit load of fuck is if Francis from Left 4 Dead appeared at the end of the movie on his motor cycle. Walked into the disco hall and shot everyone in the face (including the shit faced parents to stop whatever genes made the main bitch). Then drives off to the theme of "save me some sugar," there I've just fixed the movie for you! Don't thank me just add that in!
It's not that I'm a an action junkie I can watch politically themed films about fuck all and still enjoy them... but this isn't like those! It's boring because it's aimed souly at thirteen year old girls, but most unforgiving it's just impossible to like anyone in it. Normally, I like at least 1 character in anything or otherwise it isn't worth watching. Even if I don't like their personality I can at least admire their being a prickishness for example I can like a villain like The Master from Fallout as he has a personality of a want to be God and it's explained that he only wants to help the world. What he says makes sense and therefore he is a good memorable character.
This is my main problem with Romcoms; characters are unlikable fuck ups that you are told to learn to love! It's not like there is a moral or anything to laugh at... it's just boring because Romcoms are nothing but cash in's...
Now if you'll excuse me I'll go back to watching movies with strong bloody violence, torture, tits and rugby (MANLY!)
The Sims 3
12/03/2012
To start off on a positive note...
When I get up on a Monday morning I usually check out some awesome shit on Fanfiction.net, I've only been doing it for a bit (reading fanfictions I mean) and am considering maybe writing my own!
One story, however, has kept me interested throughout a Fallout 3 fanfic called "Saving Me" about Bryan Wilks from the quest "THOSE!!!." I recommend giving it a read here.
On a not so positive week I made a £30 investment which I regretted when I walked out the shop, I bought The Sims 3 for the pc.... and I want my God damn money back. However, since this is not a possibility, I will have to just find a use for the game case. I have lost many a coffee cup coaster over the last 6 months I suppose, but I could have just bought a coaster that didn't cost me £30!
OK so what do I hate about Sims 3? Well for the record I DO NOT hate the Sims franchise and I have stuck with it since the original game. I got Sims 1 on console at the age of 8 and bought it on PC when I was 10 or something. When I got a better PC and could finally run it I got Sims 2, (yes my first PC was THAT bad!)
OK so let me delve you into a bit of back story, for those of you who don't know what The Sims is or some of you who want to know my experience with the game. The bit marked "*" is fairly optional and can be skipped but my later point’s maybe better understood if you read it...
*OK so I started off with The Sims on console so I'll start my little background thing on console games then move onto their PC counterparts, considering I had never played a Sims game before I didn't know what to expect. The Sims on console was more confined sure but it did do some well needed improvements such as a better walk cycle and better animations in general. The original on console was a good effort that paid off for its time, but it had one major flaw in that it had a "Story mode" which was just uninteresting, difficult and not needed. I felt that this game could have been 50X bigger if it was JUST free play like on the PC version. I loved making my own family sure, but making a neighbourhood was so much better having family feuds and what not which couldn't be achieved in story mode.
This game was then massively improved in the game "The Sims: busting out" which had a hell of a lot more content. The game had hundreds of objects that were never seen on the PC version and some that can only be bought with expansion packs. I felt that the story mode was majorly improved over the original, sure it was the exact same story which was it's downside, but I found the ability to have vehicles and go from house to house a lot more interesting than simply stuck in a house until you do a bunch of goals.
The original story had 7-8 houses and each one had 7-8 goals like "get a job" or "move out" or "eat a grilled cheese sandwich," all of these things weren't too bad at first but they got to be a pain in the ass later. Some quests involve things that can only be done with a full motives bar on most of your motives, motives are what your Sims needs like sleep, food, bladder... etc... my main problem was that the people you had living in your house with you were just annoying and obnoxious one of them out right refuses to answer the phone, another won't get a job cause he's a lazy asshole and your mother refuses to cook for you! All this stuff adds to the games difficulty but did the developers think "gee how is this guy supposed to answer the phone when he is out at work?"
Bustin out had a major improvement over this with an easier to achieve story mode which gave you the freedom to go from house to house (thank god). The houses were interesting to, like science labs and creepy castles! However, once again freeplay mode took a massive hit with 3 houses for custom characters to live in. This in turn created another major problem, you see kiddies in the story "free street" characters are needed to advance in the story or otherwise you can't get married and advance the story. Because of the story and freeplay interaction I encountered a MAJOR problem, when I was in my house minding my own I see some asshole on my drive... now I think who the feck is this? Then I realise it's my Story mode character... as a visitor? Then the shit hits the fan because the ass hole just walks into my house and gets something out of my fridge, walks around clogging up my toiler, watches my TV, sleeps in my bed, has sex with my wife and leaves the lights on! I don't know if it's a glitch or whether or not this is meant to happen but I couldn't tell him to leave it just wasn't an option.
Other than that problem it was mainly ok they eventually decided to cash in on Sims 2 by making an urban hip hop rap culture game. This was so bad that later games took the piss out of; to be honest I found it to be ok if bought at a budget price and taken with a pinch of salt. It was all story oriented and the environments were somewhat interesting and they made an effort on the animations and custom content you could add (plus I liked having a pet monkey).
A year after the PC version of Sims 2 came out they made a console port, I wasn't aware at the time but Sims 2 on the PC was a revolution in how we played with aging, memories, lifestyle and it even had super natural Sims! A console version would rock! I thought at the time, but once again in my youth I didn't think about what I want and what the developers want. The PS2 port was nothing like the PC game it was awkward and restrictive, it didn't have a story that had learned any lessons from bustin out or urbz and was just dull, boring and the quests were pointless! There were no children in the game at all, no one grew old and no one could die and it got boring very fast. I will say that you got a supernatural being though... which was useless as shit. You could play as a ghost who could scare people and that was it... bollocks...
It went downhill from there with Pets and Castaway both of which failed in what they wanted to achieve Pets looked promising with it's free play game and NO STORY! This was, however, another one of those "too good to be true" things... The pets were annoying, there was few to no objects and it was just boring as hell to play I traded it in once and out of insanity bought it again. Castaway was another disappointment I was majorly cynical towards this as this was just after I had to give the Orange Box back as I needed a Steam account to run it and I didn't have the internet at the time... I was devastated and got this shit load of fuck instead!
My main problem with Castaway was the whole aim of destroying everything you've built... no that's not your aim that's the director's (in game ai's) aim! If you build a house on the sand you get it knocked down! (Guess I should have read my bible a little more closely...) But build it on the rocks? Down it goes in a monsoon or attacked by pigs! I found a nice place though a cave! Cave men (and women) knew what they were doing as caves are indestructible! My only concern was how there were chimps running around my cave (chimps were useless and annoying). My main problem, however, was the fact that this game was impossible without cheats! I used cheats in all the games for the convenience mainly maxing my motives and giving more money, most people do because it's a lot more fun to play this way and speeds the process up. On Castaway this is an essential way of playing, let me explain: So there are 3 islands... island 1 is where you end up and island 2 has your friends on it so... you need to get to island 2. To get to island 2 you need a boat... so... you got lots of trees around so you make one. After along tireless effort of making your boat you are ready to head out... shit no wait you are knackered from building the boat oh well get a good night’s rest before sailing out...
(13 hours later...)
'Ah morning all! Time to go sailing with an almost full energy meter! Oh... I'm still too knackered? I'll just go back to bed... oh I'm too wide awake for that? Oh bollocks... FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!' This made advancing from island to island IMPOSSIBLE! I got to the point where I shelved it for 3-4 months and went back to my PS2 library.
I know I could have gotten into more detail on this but... well I'm not reviewing them I'm giving a brief...ish view into how I feel about these games before ranting about Sims 3!
I want to finish this pointless bit of the rant (that most people skipped and missed the fact that I wrote the username and password to this BlogSpot account RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TEXT!!!). By saying which of them my favourite... was and it wasn't any of the above, for me it was actually the PSP port. The PSP port KNEW that the PSP system would be slow as fuck or look horrible on the PSP so they decided to make a new style of Sims game which was more like an RPG. It was ALL story based and used quests to advance the game. What I loved was how the quests felt like actual quests not just "get a job" or "shag someone at a party" but stuff like "Find out where the missing garbage man is" hey don't nod off! This is more interesting than it sounds! Shit lost you... anyway all jokes aside this was the best console port I've played it was interesting with its gadgets like a tazer and a sonic screwdriver memory wiper thing, it had me hooked and it was sadly the only good RPG like experience.
*OK we are now... BACK ON TRACK!
If you skipped that bit then... I hate you....
If you read it then I hate you...
OK so when I got Sims 3 on PC I was expecting it to be better than the console port that I got this time last year which was a massive crock of shite on toast. It felt lazy at the time, and it HAD to be weaker than the PC version I repeatedly thought to myself "God this IS worse than the Sims 2 on the PC!"
I was wrong though as this was almost identical to the PC version... every problem I had I encounter on the PS3 I had on PC...
The Sims 3 has several major problems my main one, however, is that the game doesn't even need to exist! Sims 2 wasn't exactly old hat yet, I felt that Sims 2 could have had another 4-5 years out of it. Sims 3 could have been revolutionary but.. It wasn't, first of all it had most of the same content as Sims 2 and anything they added was unnecessary for the most part. Second the walking animations looks complete crap and all of the Sims have these weird baby faces making them all look the same with less customisation options on the face. I also couldn't help but feel that they made the game overly complicated on PC you can access more than one house at a time but it's a pain in the ass! Using cheats to select NPCs just doesn't work since the "Boolprop Testingcheatsenabled true" command was removed and was swapped for a washed down version.
My main problem though is EA's attitude to the fans of the franchise and it's painstakingly obvious what their message is... "You bought our products so we in hope of getting more money from you are going to sell you the same product with less in it in a hope that you buy more shit from us." That might as well be your slogan EA... Really write that down. There are about 4 unique items of clothing for each character in Sims 3 if that the rest are recoloures with annoying pattern systems in place. If you want new outfits you have to buy them with Sims points... which must rack up a fortune! Now Sims 2's life span came from it's modded content with it's endless library of good clothes, objects and other awesome shizzle.
This game has destroyed all that by making adding modded content a bitch to install and making it almost impossible to make your own custom content unlike what you could do with Sims 2! Sims 2 actually had a pack which let you edit items and you could make mods with MS paint or Photoshop or whatever you have. This game instead of letting players do this makes them work with DDS textures... now I know for a fact that DDS textures are a wee bit advanced for the average young Modder. Most of these are girls 14-17 who are using the same texture system as Fallout: New Vegas? Seriously DDS is used in Fallout new Vegas and the texture mapping layout is a lot more difficult to edit!
I'll end my rant by SIMply (seewatididtheir?) Saying this... Sims 3 is pointless if you have Sims 2 and if you don't I recommend saving yourself time, effort and money by getting Sims 2 instead!
Goodbye my fine headed fans! Or people who hate me... whatever...
The Olympics
19/03/2012
Good morning world! and what a wonderful morning it is!
Nah... horse shittin yah hehehehe
Anywho lets get back on track to some serious complaining!
You know what I hate?
The Olympics... why?
Because our country takes it uppon themselves to pay millions and millions of pounds of tax payer's money that could go into hospitals, schools, curing disease or helping the sick. Into a huge ass stadium for an event that only lasts two weeks!
You might have noticed that I used "huge ass" as a term, well you see children I discovered that saying "ass" before or after something has a major effect on how impressive it sounds...
For example simply saying "That's a big wardrobe..." sounds boring but add "That's a BIG ASS wardrobe" and it sounds fecking HUGE! Or... is that just me? Anywho my point is: this stupid stadium is paid for by tax payers but is FOR rich people to enjoy. The only way a tax payer could attend any important event is if they sold a few organs, wrote their novel and got a loan from the mafia. If they were to do all this they may be lucky enough to afford to see the women's handball game between 2 countries in the Netherlands... if they are lucky that is...
Notice how many contests there are? "Win a trip to the Olympics with Nuka Cola!" "Win a trip to the Olympics with Nike" "Win a trip to the Olympics with The Corrupt Regu..." wait... no sorry that last one doesn't exist... yet... However, you could get a chance to go to the olympics just email thecorruptregulators@hotmail.co.uk with your answer to the following question...
Who is the most handsome Corrupt Regulator?
A. The Hanged Man
B. Frostsabre
3. Krambo
You will win a ticket to the Iranian skiing contest if you win, with a 1 star hotel paid for AND 1 of those days food will be paid for to! (If you meal is under £2)
Ok... incase you are paying attention that contest was a joke... but that is what you are winning! The Olympic games are... well... boring to say the least. So I don't even want to go, but I also know that if I wanted to see an event I would have to pay £10,000 to see some crappy event for a stupid sport between 2 countries which I've never heard of!
We should have our own Olympics... The Corrupt I mean... now THERE is an idea! One where anyone can attend! YES! My god... it will be beautifal...
Anyway I have more problems with just tax payers money... for example did you know there is a housing shortage? Apparently hundereds if not thousands of schools had to be knocked down in 2004-5 to make room for houses. Now did you know that a whole street was demolished to make room for the stadium? Oh and get this... when the Olympics is done with? They were just going to knock it down! FECKING HELL!
OK yes it DOES bring in tourism... and temporary employment but it costs more money than it rakes in! It takes 5 years worth of billions for their "legacy" Jesus I always laugh at that "legacy" what does that even mean? They are going to leave something behind? Is it the rubble? The litter produced by fans? Who know or even cares...
That's my sour face and chops done with the Olympics...
tata kids!
Feature Change
01/04/2012
Hello again my friends and what a wonderful day it is outside, we have glorious weather and birds singing and whatnot...
I know I was supposed to do these articles on Monday and that I'm supposed to HATE everything but... I'm changing that. From this day onward "I hate Mondays" will become "I love Sundays" where I talk about what I love for that week...
Let's talk about something that I really love on the lords day...
You know what I love? Phones!
I love phones... like iPhones, Androids and smart phones to! I just love them all, with their apps, games, books and music they make public transport a joy!
Oh no I don't own one, but I do sit next to people who own one nearly every day and they do such great stuff on them! Like talk really loudly on the phone, because we REALLY care what is going on in their lives they are such interesting people! They play music like Rap and Hip Hop quite loudly (even with headphones on) which I also love, because I didn't want any peace and quite anyway I want to listen to someone rapping about "call girls." I love that E-book app as well they sure make books look like outdated pieces of crap don't they? I mean they can have unlimited pages! Wait no a book can do that to... Well they can contain more stories than... wait though you can only get through 1 a bus or train journey anyway... Ah there I go nitpicking again haha.
I just love these little inventions they make my life so much better! Sitting next to people who don't realise you exist, watching dates turn sour because someone is permanently on their phone... MUCH better than how it used to be don't you think?
Well I guess that's it for my blessing of the week, one more thing though...
APRIL FOOLS!
Ya Jackass...
News stories
16/04/2012
OK, OK I know I have been gone for something like a week and not announced it... but I've been er... busy and stuff with life.
OK I took a break! Damn I hate admiting that but I had to before I got bored and started writing Chuck Norris jokes and using ragethread comics to illustrate my points!
Anyway I'm back and I have something new to hate!
You know what I discovered I hated this morning? The news... now I'm not one of those morons who says "VE NEWZ IZ BOOOOOOOORIN" while reading through their Facebook feed, but even I draw the line. I love the idea of the news, getting to know what important events are happening around the world, but MY GOD is it stupid.
I don't know if you watched UK news this morning but the biggest story I can find is that a Horse... DIED.
SO
FUCKING
WHAT!
It's a horse! Horses die every 10 minutes and there are about a billion more out their to replace them! They aren't intelligent or even friendly creatures and many of them have been purposley ridden towards bullets! A horse falls over and breaks a leg every day should I hear about that as well?
What's next a story about how a poor Pegeon got ran over by a bus? I wouldn't mind but I hate horses they are evil hatefilled creatures that just go around bullying people... hey they're like me!
Would you cry if I fell and broke my leg? No because everyone hates me... so why give a damn about these things that don't even have the common courtesy to update their online journals...
Has the world gone completely mad? Will we weep for rats that get caught in traps next?
I wouldn't mind if it was a mild tragedy like the other year where a bunch of horses got fried on the electrified pipe underneath the grand national starting point, like me in Metal Gear when I skip through the Codec calls.
It's stories like this that make me hate society simply for the mass stupidity of idiots who are willing to cry to anything they can share via Twatter...
Well I'm out of here... bye ladies...
and gents :)
Romcoms
23/04/2012
Hi I'm back for another week with another ranting session; there is a lot less pressure on me up there in the real world, so these might not be as good... KIDDING they will be shit as ever! ;)
OK so you know what I hate? Romcoms URGH! It hurt to type it, in fact it hurts to think about it, but I must...
Romantic comedy is a genre of film where you can make a new one in about 6 months and as long as you have an overpaid actress/actor then you are pretty much in there. Few if any are memorable and those that are, they are memorable for all the wrong reasons.
Take one that I was forced to watch... I swear to God I need therapy for this... because I hate it so fucking much! Now when I say that I was forced to watch I figured watching a movie is presumably better than doing schoolwork... and it would be true if it was a Romero or Tarrentino movie. But fuck me, if they suggest a Romcom grab your balls and run for the hills!
God lord... now I've put off telling you the title to this brain cell genocide... (Forgive me Sheogorath!) Angus...Thongs...And Perfect... DO I HAVE TO FINNISH IT?
I figured hell I can sleep through it... but NO it's impossible, it's so distracting all that screaming and shouting and PMSing URGH!
So what is my problem with this? Well I have many...
1. The main character (and by extension the others are unlikable): Ok this is a major problem since if you wish death on a character, any happy ending will just be a kick to the balls. The main character in this is a complete bitch! She is a scheming, maniacal, treacherous, and whiny, BITCH! My main example is simply the plot, she is a girl who isn't happy with everything she has and so after bitching to her parents about having a costume for the costume party she then realises that it isn't a costume party and then goes bridezilla and destroys the costume (nice... shows how grateful she is to her parents). She then says she is going to "grow up" now before you jump out of your seat and cheer in celebration, this doesn't mean she is going to give up being a bitch... in fact it means she is going to be a bigger bitch.
She then as "grown up" proceeds to get a man by fucking over anyone who turns their back on her for 2 seconds... it's just awful to watch! She tries exiling her dad to Australia, using her lover's best friend to get at him, stabbing her friend in the back and eventually causing a holocaust of RPG gamers!
All for the sake of a stupid Disco on her birthday that she wants, and I don't see any redeeming features for this character she is just a spoiled bitch! It's like that play about that bike shop worker who goes around sleeping with other people's wives (I'm unable to remember the name) that guy was a complete bastard, but at least he A. gets what is coming to him and B. is designed to be a bastard so you know what to feel. Here you are told "here is the hero, you should like her!" Well sorry movie but I think she is a fat bitch!
2. No justice... At the end the only thing that could have saved that shit load of fuck is if Francis from Left 4 Dead appeared at the end of the movie on his motor cycle. Walked into the disco hall and shot everyone in the face (including the shit faced parents to stop whatever genes made the main bitch). Then drives off to the theme of "save me some sugar," there I've just fixed the movie for you! Don't thank me just add that in!
It's not that I'm a an action junkie I can watch politically themed films about fuck all and still enjoy them... but this isn't like those! It's boring because it's aimed souly at thirteen year old girls, but most unforgiving it's just impossible to like anyone in it. Normally, I like at least 1 character in anything or otherwise it isn't worth watching. Even if I don't like their personality I can at least admire their being a prickishness for example I can like a villain like The Master from Fallout as he has a personality of a want to be God and it's explained that he only wants to help the world. What he says makes sense and therefore he is a good memorable character.
This is my main problem with Romcoms; characters are unlikable fuck ups that you are told to learn to love! It's not like there is a moral or anything to laugh at... it's just boring because Romcoms are nothing but cash in's...
Now if you'll excuse me I'll go back to watching movies with strong bloody violence, torture, tits and rugby (MANLY!)
The dreaded return of "I hate mondays"
"Oh hi there stranger!" says you on your smug high horse "what time do you call this?" Well first of all I wasn't drunk, or on drugs this time, but have been rather busy with illness, exams, people on my steam friends list and then I couldn't be bothered and thought "one more month isn't going to hurt..." anyway I'm back and now I have to think of something new to unleash my vengence upon! (other than the reader that is...)
OK you know what I hate? Hmm... I don't know, what is there to hate... AH THE JEW BELLY! You thought you could escape me!
OK now before you either say I'm unpatriotic I will say that I am and I'm bloody proud of it! Patriotism ruins history as a wise man once said and it also ruins daytime television! If I gave anyone a ticket to watch a barge on the river tems they would punch me in the face! But with the Queen involved it's different isn't it? I feel somewhat depressed knowing that so many millions of people watched that boring display of nothingness, yet here are great shows on television which never get a single bloody view!
Personally I hate anything that celibrates with tax money... because we all know who is supposed to enjoy this stuff dont we? People who live in London! It's the same thing with the Dome, Olympics and this Jew Belly thing no one else wants it, but twats who can say "I got up at 5am and got a buss!" Did you? That's wonderful why weren't you at work? I don't see the use in being patriotic if I'm being shunned by my own country it's a bloody malum in se to steal from the poor and give to the rich then tell the poor to bloody enjoy the rich folks celibrations! When they said "24 bells (or whatever it was) I immediatley though 1 for each school, hospital or youth club which has closed to fund this piece of shit...."
I personally couldn't care less anymore about the whole thing anymore... I think I might head to my resort on Grinch mountain early this year...
Presenters
25/06/2012
I would appologize for being missing for another week, but A. no one cares and B. (see A)
So lets just cut to the chase about this, I need something to hate this week...
*Looks around, (Zaco too far away!)*
"I know! You know what I hate?"
"No, but you are probably going to tell me..."
I hate news presenters...
I mean really what do they do? Other than read fast and say unfunny and retarded puns all day with the smug expressions and their expensive suits... the bastards. Infact, no I hate anyone in that proffession you know like sports commontators and the like. What do they do? Other than bleet utter and complete bollocks out that no one wants to hear. We want to hear the news God dammit not your personal oppinion as to how last night's england game went...
Sports presenters and weather presenters don't bother me though, I mean they get 10 minutes screen time... it's those schmucks who sit on sofas and go on about things that they don't understand.
I mean, they must get paid tens of thousands to sit their and talk utter and complete shit! I could do that! I do it every week on Monday around 9 AM and I don't even expect payment... damn I should start asking around.
Sorry to cut things short, but I owe a few people favours and well... I have some stuff to deal with. Till next time :)
OK you know what I hate? Hmm... I don't know, what is there to hate... AH THE JEW BELLY! You thought you could escape me!
OK now before you either say I'm unpatriotic I will say that I am and I'm bloody proud of it! Patriotism ruins history as a wise man once said and it also ruins daytime television! If I gave anyone a ticket to watch a barge on the river tems they would punch me in the face! But with the Queen involved it's different isn't it? I feel somewhat depressed knowing that so many millions of people watched that boring display of nothingness, yet here are great shows on television which never get a single bloody view!
Personally I hate anything that celibrates with tax money... because we all know who is supposed to enjoy this stuff dont we? People who live in London! It's the same thing with the Dome, Olympics and this Jew Belly thing no one else wants it, but twats who can say "I got up at 5am and got a buss!" Did you? That's wonderful why weren't you at work? I don't see the use in being patriotic if I'm being shunned by my own country it's a bloody malum in se to steal from the poor and give to the rich then tell the poor to bloody enjoy the rich folks celibrations! When they said "24 bells (or whatever it was) I immediatley though 1 for each school, hospital or youth club which has closed to fund this piece of shit...."
I personally couldn't care less anymore about the whole thing anymore... I think I might head to my resort on Grinch mountain early this year...
Presenters
25/06/2012
I would appologize for being missing for another week, but A. no one cares and B. (see A)
So lets just cut to the chase about this, I need something to hate this week...
*Looks around, (Zaco too far away!)*
"I know! You know what I hate?"
"No, but you are probably going to tell me..."
I hate news presenters...
I mean really what do they do? Other than read fast and say unfunny and retarded puns all day with the smug expressions and their expensive suits... the bastards. Infact, no I hate anyone in that proffession you know like sports commontators and the like. What do they do? Other than bleet utter and complete bollocks out that no one wants to hear. We want to hear the news God dammit not your personal oppinion as to how last night's england game went...
Sports presenters and weather presenters don't bother me though, I mean they get 10 minutes screen time... it's those schmucks who sit on sofas and go on about things that they don't understand.
I mean, they must get paid tens of thousands to sit their and talk utter and complete shit! I could do that! I do it every week on Monday around 9 AM and I don't even expect payment... damn I should start asking around.
Sorry to cut things short, but I owe a few people favours and well... I have some stuff to deal with. Till next time :)
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