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Survivors from hell
These stories are real accounts of some dumb users we have met online, these people make you want to join the zombies in hope of finding intelligent life...
Mission improbable
One time in the gun store in the Dead Centre campaign there was a survivor who out right refused to use any tier 2/3 weapondry and picked up an SMG instead. He claimed it is more "modern" and "more attractive," despite my numerous assurances that the weapon is a massive crock of shite on toast...
But no.. he wasn't having any of it. - The Hanged Man
The perfect time for a betrayal...
Ah when is the best time to open fire on a team mate? Well there is when they are being incapped by a witch or maybe when they are alone with you and no other team mates are around? NO how about during a finale when the entire team are being bombarded by Tanks, Chargers and the entire cast of Eight isn't enough...
You guessed it someone actually attempted to kill me in a finale half way through the first round. (exelent timing mate). He didn't get killed by the Tank sadly... I wasn't going to let that hulking horror steal my kill... - The Hanged Man
Meatball
What can we call a small child who sounds like someone replaced his voice box with a broken woopie cushion, cannot string together sentences and seems to be an abortion who freed himself from the bin. Well kiddies, we can call him meatball.
This afterbirth could somehow play L4D and seemed to want to talk to his teammates, namely Jamunition and The Hanged Man. Bad idea. When asked for his age he replied 'Oppsie' which was what his father said when he pushed him out of a moving car. He then carried on by saying nonsensical rubbish in his high pitched shit spewer which neither of us could understand.
We of course then shot him. - Jamunition
Edit by The Hanged Man: I've edited in a video of the even from my Youtube account.
I used to known as Psychomantis108 back then but don't use the name any more. I'm sure you will notice the high amount of lag featured in this video, as I cannot stress enough this is over a year ago and a lot has changed since then...
Jimmy
Ah Jimmy...
I recall meeting this tosser in the Blood Harvest campaign after playing with a small group of people. They had good intentions don't get me wrong, but they weren't the brightest light bulbs in the recycle bin.
Anywhoo after struggling to do the 4th level and barely making it, some twat named "Jimmy" spawned in right at the last minute and shot us all. "Any last words?" I told him to truth that he was a retard in every sense of the word, to which he articulately replied "and you are a bitch" (who said wit and charm are dead?)
Now... what is really funny about this story is that I begged Jamunition to go online, because I couldn't handle playing with strangers. The incompitence and the team killers *shudders* out of sympathy he joined and we played a quick game of the Sacrifice campaign.
What is HILARIOUS is that the same twat joined our server... we quickly noticed and incapped him, repeatedly throwing bile bombs at him. As much as we wanted to kick him 2 votes always showed up as negative, he repeatedly vowed his revenge against us through the remainder of the first map and the final showdown would happen as soon as I shut the safe room door.
The next map started and well... 2 guys with Tier 2 weapons vs a guy with an SMG? How do you think it turned out? He died... on a table he then rage quit knowing that he couldn't beat us.
The funny thing is tossers like this spend their money to buy a game just to come into servers and kill everyone and leave? That is kind of sad... - The Hanged Man
Speed Runner
Here he comes
Here comes Speed Runner
He's a moron on adrenaline
He's a fool
And he's gonna be chased'
By someone
Yeah, whoo
Feel so good
Behind this chump
He got my stomach turning
Speed Runner
Hit The Gas
Smell the rubber Burnin
VROOOM
Gotta catch him
He's the top prize
How can I not kill him
When he's better
When he dies?
He got ta zoom
Lady, so givim room
Baby you hear the boom
There's no need to wonder whom
Will it be
When I be Zippin' and Dippin'
I got you Trippin' Magnificent
If you're In a Predicament
Know that Danger is Imminent
HEY!
He's off and flyin'
As he guns
The dumbass around the track
He's jamming down the pedal
Like he's never coming back
The safe room is waiting
Just ahead
Go Speed Runner (go)
Go Speed Runner (go)
Go Speed Runner, go
Mach go, go, go
Ok... that was a bit long of an introduction but... Totally accurate these assholes just spawn in and run ahead of everyone else. It wouldn't be so bad if they did this and got killed but noooo, they always put YOU in the shit Go Speed Runner *starts panic event when you are nowhere near* GO Speed Runner *Goes into safe room and uses all the med kits* ARGH!
I usually shoot these assholes, besides when you get to the finale they just sit on the other side of the map and expect you to do everything without having a problem with that. Oh sure I have no problem with that, excuse me... *The Hanged Man has voted to kick Speed runner* sorry I need the bot more than I need you buddy... - The Hanged Man
To heal... or not to heal?
One night I got joined by this team they were ok and I think if it was me and the other 2 guys we would have been alright...
However fait was cruel that night...
It took us over 5 goes to do the No Mercy finale; I couldn't believe it I mean I did that thing the day I got it without dying for Christ sake! Anyway our problem was this particular player (Who had a very thick accent) just made horrible decisions if you want to know what kind of horrible decisions look at "Mission Improbable".
He never stayed with us and went on the roof on the other side of the map! Then he got smokered and the other guys would chase him resulting in their demise. He did the same stupid thing every time and paid for it resulting in everyone dying. Anywho it got to the 4th attempt and we both died I died trying to save him from the Smoker (despite the fact that Smoker got him 3 times prior to this he hadn't taken the hint). This 1 guy was left and he wasn't exactly expert material his only chance was the stay put and pray for a miracle.
The guy then pointed out that his med kit was around here somewhere, although this is true the guy got Smokered to death! So the med kit was going to be on the other side of the map.
I told the kid to stay put, he's all alone and surrounded by bad guys and 1 hunter meant death. "NO go and get my med kit!" The thick accented man replied, "No son you are doing good stay there!" I replied in protest. The other guy even agreed with me saying it's a suicide mission. Even if the kid got the med kit he wouldn't be able to heal himself. He lasted a while without the kit and then ended up getting Huntered "NO you didn't listen!" shouted the thick accented man...
The next (and final attempt) ended up in the same way... Same guy and the same problem. This time to shut the fool up he went and got the kit (I don't blame him I wanted him to shut up as well). He got Huntered within 3 steps and game over...
"NO YOU DIDN'T LISTEN!"
The thick accented man replied
* The Hanged Man has disconnected*
- The Hanged Man
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